Beer Matters

Maximus Bibendus Answers Readers’ Letters

Dear Maximus, When invited to the pub after ringing practice, I sometimes feel too tired. Should I just go home to bed? Exhausted of Clapham

Dear Exhausted, What you need is a gentle restorative. Three or four pints of Best Bitter will do you the world of good. There is no substitute for the envigorating powers of malt.

Dear Maximus, After ringing spliced surprise 16, I am often too tense and stressed to sleep. What would you recommend? Slinky of Birmingham

Dear Slinky, What you need is a gentle relaxant. Three or four pints of Best Bitter will do you the world of good. Hops are well known for their soporific qualities.

Dear Maximus, My doctor tells me I am suffering from dehydration. Will this affect my ringing? TT of West London

Dear TT, Not if you follow Uncle Max’s advice. You need to regularise your fluid intake. Never mind water (we all know what WC Fields said about that!), three or four pints of Best Bitter daily will do you the world of good.

Dear Maximus, How many pints should one drink before a peal? PP of Kent

Dear PP, The received wisdom is that it is generally better to drink beer after a peal, unless you are adept at ringing with crossed legs.

Dear Maximus, How can I find a surprise major method with cyclic lead heads? Perplexed of Farnborough

Dear Perplexed, Take yourself off to somewhere quiet (like the saloon bar of your local) with a stack of paper and pencils. You will undoubtedly find that three or four pints of Best Bitter sharpens the little grey cells.

Dear Maximus, Is it possible to overdo one’s beer drinking? I recently witnessed the District Master falling off his bicycle after a good session. JH of Croydon

Dear JH, Nonsense, you can’t have too much of a good thing. Besides, bicycles have a remarkable propensity for finding their own way home.

Dear Maximus, What are these “pints” you keep referring to? AB of Somewhere-on-the-Continent

Dear AB, An ancient but extremely useful drinking measure. By the way, what are these “kilograms” you keep quoting weights of bells in?

Dear Maximus, Is it not irresponsible to encourage impressionable young people to drink a lot of beer? Name & Address Withheld

Dear NAW, Quite so. Personally I never have more than a gallon. As St Paul said, “Let your moderation be known unto all men”. Cheers.

Maximus Bibendus

Reproduced by kind permission of The Ringing World.

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